Call it what it is

up and downs all over again... i dont know. Theres no reason for me to be upset or mad or whatever you wanna call it. but i am. one moment i can be perfect fine and okay with things but then out of the blue i can just be like w.e to any and everything. i have so much hate for a reason i dont know.

FUCKKKK

What the fuck man!!! today clearly proves the old me is back... i so madd i lost so making fucking games in pong that i flip out... i dont know is its clear proof that theres some thing, something in me that wanting to release it self... its like a drug. i need to break something anything i need to fuckin let lose... and then i feel like ill be cool... i need to.... im dying inside without it. i wanna break something so fuckin bad.... and no one in the fuckin state this fuckin house this fuckin circle of friends understand that im losing it.... i need to go somewhere and just let lose i need to break out... im hurting myself punching walls and banging my head against the wall. i wanna apoloigize but i cant. i cant right now... why cant i ever be okay... why cant i just live like everyone else. inside of having the need to break something... i wanna smash this mother fuckin computer i wanna say such fucked up things to this my own friends because im losing it. every little thing about everyone is making me nuts. i notice it, i'm yelling at my own girlfriend like i never did before. here she goes jane bragging that she won... i dont care that she won be to not be all like good game about it and contuine to THINK she madd nice at it needs to chilll i know we all shit talk but her i dunno man its different. its like really? i can name so many times where she lost at everything. there so much in everyone that pisses me off i wanna fucking just brust kid. i swear to God. i need something!

WHAT THE FUCK!

my body is really older than my age...

Its worrying me and im extremely terrified. I know to most people its really not too much of a big deal and i shouldnt be freaking out as much as i should but i cant help it. My physical everything is everything to me. I need it. and to watch it slowly break down before my eyes kills me. My back feels like shit everyday i can hardly lift or bend, and on top of that my fuckin sciatic is back! what the fuck man...